


built on hope

by Kittycombs



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gen, POV Alternating, Save Ben Solo, only between 2 people though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 13:11:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12211962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittycombs/pseuds/Kittycombs
Summary: Ben just needed to talk to someone who understands bad dreams that won't go away.





	built on hope

**Author's Note:**

> I have actually been writing this on and off for a good seven months. It was initially supposed to be much longer, spanning a longer period of time within the universe, but I 'finished' it last night and I liked where it ended, and it was approximately 4000 words, so I decided I would post it now, and maybe I'll add the rest later if I write it.

No one understood what it was like. Not being able to trust your own brain, not knowing what was you, and what was the something else. Logically, Ben knew that if he talked to someone, that they would have a chance of understanding, but the voice in the back of his mind hissed at him that people would laugh - they would send him away - no one would want him anymore- if he told them. Crawling into his parents’s bed worked most nights; curling up in the space between his father’s chest and his mother’s back made him feel safe. His mom had killed a Hutt, and his dad was the greatest (reformed) smuggler in the galaxy. They’d both survived being tortured by Darth Vader (your grandfather, the voice in his mind whispered, he’s a part of you), and they would keep him safe. He could use Uncle Luke’s training to slip just under his mother’s shield, into the Force bond they shared (safe with her, he was safe, in her mind, even when he wasn’t in his own) as he pushed his ear against his father’s chest. The slow, constant ‘thump thump’ soothed him.

As awful as the nights that pushed him there were, Ben liked the mornings, mostly. He’d wake up when Dad shifted to lean over him to press a kiss to Mom’s temple. His dad would say, “You up, Ace?” and then he’d pick Ben up and carry him to make breakfast. Dad would put on some old Corellian grunge song or a fluffy Alderaanian pop number and he and Ben would dance around the kitchen, and they’d make pancakes, with blueberries, just the way Mom liked them. Sometimes, if he was lucky, Dad would let him use the Force to get something off a high shelf and he could show off, just a little. If he failed to get it, his dad would swoop him up and help him grab whatever it was and say “Don’t worry, Ace, you can do anything even without your snazzy Jedi moves.” If he succeeded, his dad would let out a loud, victorious noise, scooping Ben into his arms and telling him that one day he was going to be the best Jedi ever.

Mom would be leaning against the doorframe, hair down, smiling at them, before giving Ben a sneaky look, using the Force to sprinkle flour on Dad’s head. Dad would scoff, and shake his head like Chewie when he was wet, shaking the flour everywhere and making a mess. Ben would get flour in his eyes and everyone would laugh, and the night’s terrors would be behind him, and he would be happy.

But tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Tonight, everything felt too much and something bubbled inside him, and it hurt. The voice in his mind told him that if he hurt someone else, the hurt would go away. But Uncle Luke had said that hurting people was bad; that a good Jedi only helped people, and Ben wanted to be a good Jedi, so he climbed out of his window with a little pack of clothes (and his stuffed toy tauntaun, but Ben was almost six, and he was too old to have people know he still slept with a toy, so he was stuffed at the bottom) and he started down towards the shipyard from his family’s little house on the hill. Cutting through the forest would be quickest, and if he could use the Force to lift some rocks, he could get across the river no problem.

* * *

Bodhi didn’t sleep well some nights, and sometimes curling between Cassian and Jyn wasn’t enough to calm him. Sometimes he just needed to breathe.

So he slipped his boots on, and quietly left the house, walking towards the forest. The forest grounded him; it wasn’t anything like Jedha, with its sand and city, there were no hidden things in the forest. He even had his own rock that he sat on, cross-legged like Chirrut, not meditating, just letting the world exist around him and remembering the names of the stars that he could see through the trees. The forest was quiet, the comforting sounds of night animals and the river completely predictable.

So when Bodhi heard the crunching of foliage under feet, he was surprised, and a little scared. He slid off of his rock, and crouched behind it, opposite from where the noise came from. He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it to the side as he peeked over the rock to see what the noise was.

It was the Princess’s kid. Ben, was his name? Yeah, it was Ben, after that old Jedi.

The kid had a twig in his hair, a little bag on his back, still wearing sleep clothes. He was crying. Not dangerous. The boy was sad, he was running, he wanted to be gone, but he was just a kid. Bodhi knew enough about Cassian and Jyn’s respective childhoods to know that a little kid didn’t last well for long without someone to take care of them. For Cassian, that had been the rebellion; for Jyn, it was Saw Gerrera (Bodhi shuddered, just a bit, thinking about him still). Maybe for Little Ben it could be Bodhi?

Bodhi climbed back onto his rock silently, and tried to look as welcoming as possible.

“Hi,” he said.

Little Ben whipped around, his face pale in the moonlight, big brown eyes blinking in recognition.

“Captain Rook?” Little Ben said. “Wha-what are you doing here?”

“Sitting,” Bodhi said, lifting his left shoulder and turning his chin toward it, just a little, the way Cassian did. Bodhi had never really re-mastered a few things after his encounter with the Bor Gullet. Normal body language responses was one of them, so, when he needed to, he just copied whatever Jyn or Cassian did, depending on the situation. He knew that Little Ben’s friend, Poe, looked up to Cassian, so adopting Cassian’s mannerisms was probably best now. “Would you like to join me, Little Ben?”

“I...no, thank you,” Little Ben said, polite as he was taught to be, even in his refusal. “You, see, Captain Rook, I’m running away.”

Bodhi tilted his head to the side, like Chirrut did when he was trying hard to listen to something. “Why?”

Little Ben sighed, his head dropping, and a tear fell on the ground. “I don’t wanna talk ‘bout it, Captain Rook.”

“You can call me Bodhi,” Bodhi said, scooting forward on his rock a little. “I don’t do a lot of captaining these days.” Bodhi frowned. He liked flying. He was the pilot.

Little Ben looked up at that. “Why not? Uncle Luke says you’re one of the best starpilots in the galaxy.”

Bodhi felt his face heat up. “I...I wouldn’t say one of the best, Little Ben.”

Little Ben rolled his eyes, all childlike stubbornness. “Of course you’re not _the best_ , my dad is the best. But you’re pretty good too!”

Bodhi found his lips curling up naturally, like they did when Jyn or Cassian kissed his forehead. “Thanks, Little Ben. Would you like to sit with me?” He patted the spot next to him on the rock.

“Oh-okay.”

Little Ben scrambled up onto the rock, imitating Bodhi’s meditative position. They were quiet. They sat through the night, and watched the sunrise together. Bodhi noticed that Little Ben didn’t take his bag off his back, but he didn’t say anything.

“I should get back home. Jyn and Cassian will worry,” Bodhi said as the sky turned pink.

“So are you all-” Little Ben started, then clapped his hands over his mouth. “I’m sorry, that was rude.”

Bodhi’s lips curled up again. “You can ask, Little Ben. I trust you not to say anything mean.”

“So you all live together, right?” Bodhi nodded. “Do you all live together like how Mom and Dad live together? Cause you all love each other?”

Bodhi nodded again. “I care a lot about Cassian. I care a lot about Jyn. And they care a lot about me.”

“But do you love each other?” Little Ben shifted his position, kneeling and placing his little hands on Bodhi’s knee. Apparently, this was a very important question to him.

“Yes,” Bodhi said, then swallowed. “I love them, and they love me.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s a little weird, I guess. I didn’t know that three people could get married to each other,” Little Ben said with a child’s brutal honesty.

Bodhi flinched, just a little bit. He was out of place in this relationship, he wasn’t married to them, they’d never talked about marrying him (or each other, the more rational part of his mind said, but it was quiet against all the noise everywhere else). “We aren’t married.”

Little Ben’s eyes widened. “Then they must really love you if you’re all living together and you’re not even _married_! Why will they be worried about you?”

“Because I have nightmares, sometimes.” Little Ben looked at the forest floor. “And I’ve been out all night. So they’ll be worried, because they love me.” Bodhi hesitated, uncertain that what he was about to say was right; but Jyn always was telling him that he should say what he wanted to say, so:

“I think you’re parents will be worried about you too. Because they love you.”

Little Ben blushed. “I don’t know if I wanna go back home, just yet, Captain, I mean, Bodhi.”

Little Ben pronounced his name different, like nobody else did. “Bo-da-he.” It made him smile, so:

“Would you want to come have breakfast with Cassian, Jyn, and me? We, we could comm your parents and let them know you’re okay.”

“Can I? Can I really?” Little Ben said, moving his hands from Bodhi’s knee to his elbow.

Bodhi nodded. “If I didn’t mean it, I wouldn’t have offered, Little Ben.”

“Okay! Can we go now??” Little Ben hopped off the rock, hiking his bag up his shoulders.

Bodhi stood himself, stretching out his back, re-tying his hair into a neater bun at his nape. “Yes. Let’s go.”

They walked along, not saying anything. For once, Bodhi didn’t feel uncomfortable with the silence.

Little Ben looked up at him, and then grabbed his hand. “Is this okay, Bo-da-he?”

“Yeah. This is okay.”

They were almost back at the house when Little Ben tripped. Without thinking, Bodhi bent at his waist and picked Little Ben up, holding him against his side like he’d seen Captain Solo do.

Little Ben wrapped his arms around Bodhi’s neck, pushing his head under Bodhi’s chin.

Bodhi nudged the door open with his hip, walking through the entry hall into the kitchen. He could hear Cassian and Jyn in the living area, talking. Footsteps across the floor, too. Cassian must be pacing.

“-Never been gone this long, Jyn. What if he got hurt?”

“Cassian, I’m sure Bodhi is fine. He can actually take care of himself.” Bodhi smiled at Jyn’s confidence in him. It wasn’t that Cassian didn’t think that Bodhi could take care of himself, it was just in Cassian’s nature to worry about the people he cared about.

Cassian sighed. There was a soft, ‘ploosh’ as Cassian flopped on the couch. “I know, Stardust, I’m just-”

“Worried about me?” Bodhi interrupted quietly from the doorframe.

Cassian stood up and was across the room in a moment, pulling Bodhi into his arms, pressing a kiss the his hair. “Bodhi, you’re okay.”

Bodhi looked down sheepishly as Cassian released him. “Sorry I worried you.”

“There’s no need to apologize, Bods.” Jyn pulled his head down with a hand on either side of his face. “You know how he gets.” She smiled at Bodhi before pressing her own kiss to his head.

“I would have been back sooner, but…” Bodhi, unsure how to properly explain what had happened, nodded down at the boy in his arms. Little Ben was mostly asleep.

“How’d you end up with Captain Solo’s kid?” Jyn asked, ushering him over to the sofa.

Bodhi sat, shifting Little Ben into his lap. Cassian inhaled sharply when he saw the bag on Little Ben’s back. “He was running away?”

“I think so. He looked scared.”

Jyn’s eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t think that Solo and Organa-?”

“No.” Bodhi shook his head. “He was sad. I told him I would comm his parents when we got here, and he seemed happy about it.”

Jyn handed Bodhi her comm. “I-I was thinking that you could do it,” Bodhi admitted.

Cassian took the comm from Jyn’s hand and placed it in Bodhi’s. “I believe in you, Bods.”

Bodhi took a deep breath and coded in the Princess’s comm number.

“Hello? Jyn?” A worried voice answered. “What is it? Sorry, sorry, I’m just- Have you seen Ben?”

“H-hello,” Bodhi said quietly. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Hello, Princess Leia. It’s Bodhi Rook. I found Ben.” Quick, simple, to the point, the way Bodhi always talked when he was nervous.

“Bodhi? Oh thank the Force. Is he okay??”

Bodhi was silent for a moment. The Princess knew his name? “He’s okay. He’s sleeping now. He’s, he’s going to stay for breakfast.”

“Oh,” the Princess said. “Thank you, Bodhi, thank - Han, Han, Bodhi found him, he’s safe, Ben’s okay.”

Over the comm, Bodhi heard a harsh sigh of relief, and a quick inhale that almost sounded like a sob. “Thank the Force, he’s okay, can I talk to him?” There was a rustle of fabric, and Bodhi assumed that Captain Solo pulled the Princess close.

“Bodhi said he’s asleep. They invited him to breakfast.”

“Oh, you’re on the comm now?”

“Oh! Yes, I’m so sorry, Bodhi, I was just telling Han - you probably heard that. Should we come get him?” The Princess was talking to him again.

“You don’t - I can - I’ll walk him back.”

“Thank you so much, Bodhi. You,” the Princess sighed again. “You have no idea how much this means to us.”

“Yeah,” Captain Solo added. “Thanks a lot, Pilot.”

“I’m the pilot,” Bodhi said reflexively.

“Thank you, Bodhi. Thank you so much.” the Princess said

“We owe you one, Rook.”

Bodhi nodded, but remembered that Captain Solo and the Princess couldn’t see him. “It’s - you’re, you’re welcome, Captain. Princess.”

“Please, it’s Han.”

“And Leia.”

“Han. Leia. You’re welcome. I’ll, I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.”

“Thank you, Bodhi. Really,” Leia said in parting.

“Okay.”

“Goodbye. We’ll see you and Ben soon?”

“Yes. Goodbye.”

Bodhi clicked the comm off, handing it back to Jyn.

Little Ben stirred.

* * *

 

Ben was nice and warm, but the positioning was different and the heartbeat was off and the scent was wrong.

He opened his eyes, looking at long black hair curling against a tan neck. Bodhi!

“Hi,” Ben said, shyly. “Sorry I fell asleep.”

“It’s okay,” Bodhi said. Ben nodded. He had decided he liked Bodhi. He wasn’t like some of Mom’s friends, talking a lot but not saying anything. Bodhi didn’t talk much, and Ben liked him.

Ben turned in Bodhi’s arms, trying to look at the new room when-

“Stars and planets! You’re Cassian Andor!” He couldn’t help it, Poe would be _so jealous_.

 _Cassian Andor_ blushed. Ben had made _Cassian Andor_ (!!!) blush.

“Yea - Yeah, I am. That’s me. Cassian Andor.” Ben saw _Cassian Andor_ ’s throat move as he swallowed.

There was a snigger to the left. He turned and-

“Jyn Erso!!” It was official, Poe was going to turn absolutely _green_ with envy.

Jyn Erso smiled at him. Oh stars she was pretty. Ben blushed and hid his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t yell.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.” Ben peeked through his fingers. _Jyn Erso_ was still smiling. At _him_.

“I’m Ben. Ben Solo Organa.” He uncovered his face completely and held out his hand.

Jyn Erso (Jyn Erso!) took it and shook it twice. “I’m Jyn.”

“I know.”

Cassian (Cassian Andor!!) cleared his throat. “I believe that you were invited to breakfast?”

“Uh huh.” Ben quickly looked back. “That’s what Bo-da-he said at least.”

“Well,” Cassian said, crouching down and placing a hand on Ben’s back. “Any friend of Bodhi’s is a friend of ours, right Jyn?”

“Of course. Now, Mr. Solo Organa,” Jyn said, crouching down herself, “what would you like for breakfast?”

Ben hesitated for a bit. “Pancakes?”

Cassian and Jyn looked at each other. “It’s been awhile since we’ve had pancakes.” Jyn said. “I don’t think I can remember how to make them.”

“I do!” Ben said excitedly. “I know how to make them; my dad and I make them for Mom all the time!”

Cassian looked at Bodhi. Something was shared between them, the same way that Mom and Dad did sometimes.

 _Yeah_ , Ben decided. _They were in love_.

Bodhi stood, shifting Ben back to his side. Cassian put a hand on the small of Bodhi’s back and guided him into the kitchen. Ben was placed sitting on the counter, and directed _Cassian Andor_ , _Jyn Erso_ , and Bodhi in making pancakes.

He saw Jyn grab a handful of flour, weighing it in her hand. She caught Ben looking at her and grinned conspiratorially, bringing the index finger of her other hand to her lips. Ben nodded.

“Hey, Cass?” Jyn said.

Cassian turned around, “Ye-?” was all he got out before he got a handful of flour right in the face, the white powder puffing around him, getting in his mouth, his nose, and his eyes. Cassian spluttered, coughing flour out of his mouth. Some of it was still stuck in his mustache.

Jyn roared with laughter, and Ben lifted his hands up to his mouth to stifle his giggles. Bodhi cracked a little smile and huffed a tiny laugh.

“Oh you’re in for it now, Erso.” Cassian slowly stalked over to where Jyn was standing.

Jyn laughed again, and lifted Ben into her arms. “Oh mighty Jedi! Protect me!”

Ben’s eyes widened. Cassian quirked an eyebrow. “Well? Are you going to protect the lady?”

“What? Me? No!” Ben shook his head waving his arms in front of him. He couldn’t fight _Cassian Andor_.

That sent everyone in the room into another round of laughter. Cassian walked right up to Jyn and pressed a floury kiss to her lips, leaning right over Ben to do so. Over Cassian’s shoulder, Ben saw Bodhi smile.

* * *

 

Abstractly, Bodhi knew that people admired the crew of the Rogue One, and, concretely, he knew that he was technically the captain of the Rogue One ship. So it would follow, logically, that people would admire him. But knowing that concept in theory was different than seeing the look of adoration on Little Ben’s face as he looked over Cassian’s shoulder. Bodhi blushed. It still kind of confused him at times, but he didn’t worry about it as much anymore, thanks to Cassian and Jyn. Chirrut, too, really. That stubborn old man could make Bodhi feel more at home than he ever had felt on his old home on Jedha. Baze too. Sometimes, Bodhi would just go over to the house that they lived in and and sit quietly at the table. Chirrut would tell Bodhi to make him tea, and he wouldn’t even complain when Bodhi got it wrong. His crew felt like home.

Little Ben had only walked into Bodhi’s last night but the boy already felt like he belonged. His hair was dark like Cassian’s, and his skin was light like Jyn’s. Little Ben could have been their child, if you didn't look too closely.

Bodhi liked children. Their minds were easier to understand than grownups.

A lot of kids would stop and stare at Bodhi, Cassian, and Jyn when they would walk in the town, or any of them individually. The staring made Bodhi vaguely uncomfortable, but Little Ben didn't stare. He caught little glances, then blushed and looked away.

Speaking of Little Ben, Jyn and Cassian were still kissing, and the boy squirmed a bit in Jyn’s arms, clearly more than a little uncomfortable. Bodhi smiled at him again.

Bodhi walked over to his loves, gently putting one hand on each of their shoulders. He pressed his nose against Jyn’s temple, before rubbing his cheek against Cassian’s.

“I think you're making Little Ben uncomfortable.”

Jyn and Cassian pulled apart, heads tilting to look at the boy in Jyn’s arms. Little Ben was decidedly _not_ looking at them, staring instead out the large kitchen window at the tree that sprouted there.

“ _Pardon_ _moi, garçon_.” Jyn said, ruffling his hair. “Got a bit carried away.” She smiled at him conspiratorially, and the boy laughed.

* * *

 

The pancakes weren't the best that Ben had ever had, but for a first time attempt, they were passable. With his tutelage, Ben had faith that they would do better next time. If there, uh, was a next time. Ben _hoped_ there would be a next time. This was fun, and it was nice to watch people who were in love who weren't his parents.

He noticed that Cassian and Jyn were ever so slightly softer with Bodhi. Not coddling him, but anytime their banter got too heated, Bodhi would clear his throat and they would apologize to each other.

Ben thinks that that's probably how his parents were before Dad, in Mom’s words, ‘got his head out of his ass.’ Because when they bickered now, Dad would smile and say, “Of course, Leia,” and Mom would stop short before smiling at him and say, “Okay, laserbrain.” It was nice, because they got really funny sometimes, and it was nice to see the ways they fit together.

Bodhi walks him back to his house, and Ben tells him all about how the Force works, and how one day Ben is going to be a great Jedi, just like his grandfather.

Bodhi looks a little uncomfortable at that, but grown-ups have the weirdest reactions when he said stuff like that, so Ben paid it no mind.

When they reached home, Dad was out the door first, and he bent down to grab Ben into his arms.

“Next time you go on an adventure, Ace, make sure to tell us first,” he whispers into Ben’s ear. “Your mom was worried sick.”

“Yeah, and you definitely weren't pacing the room and frantically searching or anything.” Mom slides her arms around Dad’s waist, and looks at Ben.

“Course not, Princess,” Dad says, flipping his hair out of his face, but he nuzzles his forehead into Ben’s, so Ben knows that he was worried about him too.

“But seriously, Ben. Don't do that again.” Mom’s eyebrows have a crease between them, and, well, now Ben feels bad.

“Won't do it again, Mom. Promise.”

She lifts him out of Dad’s arms and cuddles Ben close to her chest. “Thank you, Bodhi, for taking care of him.”

“Yeah, really, Rook. If there's ever anything you need, I've got it.” Dad has his arm wrapped around Mom’s shoulders now. Ben privately feels a little smug; neither of his parents wants to let him go.

Mom shoots Dad a look. “Uh, barring any illegal activities, of course.”

Bodhi smiles and lets out that sort of laugh that he had given Jyn earlier.

Bodhi turns to go.

“Wait! Mom, put me down, please!” As soon as his feet touch the ground, he runs over to Bodhi and throws his arms around the man’s legs. “Thanks, Bodhi!! And thanks to Jyn and Cassian, too!”

Bodhi looks a little startled, but smiles at him.

Ben waves at Bodhi until he can't see him anymore.

“Dad?” Ben says.

“Yeah, Ace?”

“Captain Andor doesn't make as good pancakes as you.”

The booming laugh Dad lets out chases away any lingering darkness in Ben’s mind, and he hides a smile in Mom’s sweet-smelling hair.

**Author's Note:**

> People have decided that Cassian speaks Spanish (which is an idea that I adore beyond words, but I didn't feel comfortable using google translate to do it, and I don't speak the language myself), so I have decided that Jyn speaks French (which is a language I do speak). Unrelated but I also hc Bodhi as speaking Arabic. Thanks for reading!


End file.
